She told me she was enjoying the webinar until Sh. Yaser started listing certain qualities that would lead a practicing brother to not want to propose to a sister for marriage.

She was disillusioned because it seemed all the descriptions Sh. Yaser was saying NOT to use, because it would scare away Mr. Right,  seemed to be the way she was describing herself and therefore felt she had no chance with a practicing Muslim man.

Being strong and resourceful as a Muslimah was never meant to be a roadblock to marriage, in fact it could be an asset for your marital life. But what could be a roadblock is using descriptions that make you look and sound like you are applying for a job, and not to be a wife.

In personal productivity there is a law called the Pareto Principle. The Pareto Principle holds that 80% of the results you want depend on 20% of the actions you take. It was named after an Italian economist, Vilfredo Pareto who noticed that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by the wealthiest 20% of the population.

Similarly, in finding your Mr. Right there are some 20% actions you can do to take that amount to that 80% outcome. One of those 20% actions is developing the skill of knowing how to speak the language of Mr. Right.

Speaking his language does not mean that you have to learn how to speak English with an American accent if you are interested in marrying an American brother or a British accent if you are interested in marrying a British brother.

Speak his language does not mean that you lie or describe yourself in a way that is deceptive and dishonest.

What it comes down to is knowing how to describe your unique qualities that Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, has blessed you with in a way that if Mr. Right were to hear them, it would alert him that this is the kind of sister he has been looking for.

The fact of the matter is that both men and women are taking more of an active role in searching for a spouse. Which means, that you may need to learn how to represent your own self to some degree - who you are, and what you want in a husband. (Not to mention training your friends and family to do the same!)

So you need to think: How can I describe myself in a way that is truthful, and also tells him about me in a way that interests HIM!!

Let me share an example of a sister's description I found on a Muslim matrimonial website: 

    I'm currently pursuing a master's degree. My hobbies include: spending time with family and friends, taking road trips or traveling the world. I love music and cooking ethnic cuisine!!I come from a very loving, understanding, and supportive family.

What was your gut reaction reading it? Did it sound a little...UNORIGINAL? Everyone likes to travel, shop, go to the cinema, eat, and everyone says they are nice and caring person. 

I read sister's "about me" descriptions over and over again, and not ONE of them said much that would be interesting to a practicing Muslim brother.

    It is important to start thinking about the qualities that you want to highlight that matter to HIM. Not what makes you fall in love with your own self!

Here is a reflection sent in to me by a sister who attended that first webinar:

"I realized that the way I've been describing myself and the way I answer and pose questions to potentials has not been in the best way. I've only been thinking about myself and what I want. It did not occur to me to think about what he would want and if I even show that I have it.

I describe things in a way that I think sounds impressive to me, but obviously being a woman its not necessarily going to be the same things a brother would see as impressive.

You really hit the nail on the head when you said that some of us end up presenting ourselves as good muslimahs in the deen, but don't present ourselves as potential 'good wives'. We leave that bit out thinking its enough that we are practicing muslimahs.  I wish I knew this before! "

So what can you do to take action now to get closer to your goal of marriage, bithnillah?

ACTION ITEMS:

1) Write down 3-5 sentences about yourself. Re-read those sentences, and ask yourself this question "What's in it for him?"

2) Re-write the same description again, but this time, see if you can adjust it to be meaningful to a Muslim man, from his perspective. (This is probably a new concept for you, so it's O.K. to not know exactly how to do this! Just begin adjusting the way you think about this concept)

3) Register NOW for my next free webinar from Practimate for more valuable resources. www.practimate.com

Ever felt like your lacking that motivation to excel, be it at home, with your Islamic studies, at work, or with that degree you just seem to be getting through alhamdulillah?(!) and well, feel void of what they call 'Passion and Zeal to do good'?

Here are some small steps I thought I'd share with you because my dear brothers and sisters, working in the way of Allah swt should never be underestimated as a lifelong learning experience, so maintaining that passion with ikhlaas is one we can all work on no matter what stage we are at in our lives...

One of the ways to increase your imaan is to increase in good deeds, and these steps are no easy matter but they are achievable - just as the small pieces in a passion fruit contain a small seed and begin to grow out to the vast collection of seeds, so will your good deeds in accumulation if you work continuously, with sincerity, and without losing hope that your end goal is ever closer every time you do something fruitful to achieve it inshaAllah.

The whole 'ask yourself' bit we'll skip here - because your probably already thinking about how to get the best out of what you are doing, and what you intend to do in the near future inshaAllah.

Remember this though, If your goal is worth striving for, don't stop towards getting there, for giving up is failure whilst failing to try is a greater sob story but success lies in pursuing that road to at least try and change inshaAllah,

Think positive -> people are in a worse situation in life as evident from the world affairs, so what possibly can you be going through to stop you achieving that great grade in the next essay? or completing the memorisation of another surah? if you don't have conviction that you can then the passion sort of starts to fade... and no passion fruit is ripe and beautiful once faded right? so hold firm faith in your heart and have tawakul in Allah - for whoever places his trust in Allah it will suffice him.

Be in the company of good people -> those who will contribute in helping you to fulfiling that ambition, since those friends who are both helpful and inspirational can leave off a good musk smell, don't forget to pray as well that you are amongst these people since maintaining this companionship is a blessing and Allah swt keeps together those who wish to do good as someone once told me.

Have true conviction -> that passion is a admirable thing, think of how many people in the world you admire or know because their passion to do something led to change, coming back to that 'inspiring change from within' is not a fallacy! but true... because of their passion and desire to make a change have really left a legacy? Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassalaam loved to be grateful to Allah swt so thank Him swt for giving you the means and tools to get there (yep even your family are a big resource!),

The key is not only to make dua for indeed the believers reliance upon Allah swt will mean doors to achieve what you want are open in manifold ways, but actively work towards it

I hope the above is a passion fruit piece (bitesize - one step at a time before the whole passion fruit!) that you will eat, relish and inshaAllah those seeds will be planted firmly in your heart and maintain dedication, for whoever works righteous deeds is amongst the beloved of Allah swt, May we all be amongst them inshaAllah and steadfast in being so.

Ameen